What's in a name?
Dear Jason
Did you know that your name means "healer"? And that you, little baby you, not only healed me, but saved my life?
Before you were born I was going downhill fast. I was into alcohol and sleeping around and doing some very dangerous things that could have killed me in a few years. I'm surprised I survived those years.
But then you came along, and as soon as I knew you were growing I stopped behaving in a way that could end my life and yours. I wanted not only to grow you inside me as a healthy baby, but have a life that would support you becoming the best you could be once you were born.
Sure, I was scared at first when I realized I was going to be a mom. I was only just 21, and didn't have a job or know what I was going to do with the future. I did panic a bit, but was lucky to have family and friends that gave me lots of love and support when I needed it most.
I gave up the alcohol and the sleeping around, and I got down to the business of being a mom. This was one thing that had started that I had to finish - and couldn't leave off half-way.
I began to get my future lined up, though you know as well as I do that I sometimes get itchy feet and want change, even now. I managed to find work that would still let me breast-feed you, until you were 9 months old, and then continue to provide for us when we finally moved into our own house. I started to provide all the things you needed. And I sorted out my head.
You saved my life, and you healed me. You made me better outside and inside, and you keep on making me better. Some days I feel like a bad, bad mom - but those good days with you wipe the slate clean again.
Thank you for being my healer. Be proud of your name - it's who you really are.
Love
Mom
Did you know that your name means "healer"? And that you, little baby you, not only healed me, but saved my life?
Before you were born I was going downhill fast. I was into alcohol and sleeping around and doing some very dangerous things that could have killed me in a few years. I'm surprised I survived those years.
But then you came along, and as soon as I knew you were growing I stopped behaving in a way that could end my life and yours. I wanted not only to grow you inside me as a healthy baby, but have a life that would support you becoming the best you could be once you were born.
Sure, I was scared at first when I realized I was going to be a mom. I was only just 21, and didn't have a job or know what I was going to do with the future. I did panic a bit, but was lucky to have family and friends that gave me lots of love and support when I needed it most.
I gave up the alcohol and the sleeping around, and I got down to the business of being a mom. This was one thing that had started that I had to finish - and couldn't leave off half-way.
I began to get my future lined up, though you know as well as I do that I sometimes get itchy feet and want change, even now. I managed to find work that would still let me breast-feed you, until you were 9 months old, and then continue to provide for us when we finally moved into our own house. I started to provide all the things you needed. And I sorted out my head.
You saved my life, and you healed me. You made me better outside and inside, and you keep on making me better. Some days I feel like a bad, bad mom - but those good days with you wipe the slate clean again.
Thank you for being my healer. Be proud of your name - it's who you really are.
Love
Mom
posted by Michelle at 6:21 AM
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2 Comments:
This is really beautiful stuff!
I am a thirty two year old male in melbourne who has had a difficult relationship with his mum.
you are helping me to see the other side. there are tears in my eyes..
thank you
not fixed, but fed..
Thank you very much for your kind words. I sometimes wonder what my son will feel about me one day... and it often scares me.
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